my vag is so smooth its legendary
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
