I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
