There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
