Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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