After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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