Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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