i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
