tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
