"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
