Can Purell be used as lube?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
