Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
