After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
