Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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