You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
