when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
