it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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