I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
