He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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