We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
