Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
