her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
