The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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