I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
