I am in a vortex of obligation.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
