Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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