There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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