This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
