I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
