We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
