there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
