just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
