I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Houston, we have a squirter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
