thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
