I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
