well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
