You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
