Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
