I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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