um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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