I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i now understand why vodka
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
