Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
