We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
