it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
