I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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