I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
