i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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