Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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