3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
