The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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