i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
