It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
