this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
