but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
