this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
