Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
