I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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