I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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