And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
