really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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